Got a guilty conscience? A secret crush? Something weighing on your mind? Unload your deepest and darkest here... our lips are sealed. Send submissions to
  • photo

    Dear Phase1 jello wrestling MC,

     Never thought I'd enjoy hearing the word "scissor" shouted through the PA system, but the way you say it gives me hot, sweaty, gelatinous butterflies.  Next time, I'll be the one with a little extra jiggle in my step.  You...

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  • iphone4

    I upgraded to an iPhone 4 this summer and lost it exactly 12 hours later.

    It was 5am and I was being fingered in the backseat of a cab by a hot femme I had just met. I guess I had other things on my mind?  

  • 1297203125_chocolate-strawberries

    when i told you i liked the chocolate ones best,

    i really meant you. my beautiful african queen.

  • 6230723568_6748eaff74

    Dear Psychotic, Manic Ex:

    Admit that you threw away all my left shoes.  And I will admit that I did try to sleep with your best friend on several occasions...but not that one time; I was really confused on whose bed I was in......

  • Cliterally


    ...the best piece at the National Gallery's Sculpture Garden. I'm a big grrrl now.

  • Harness

    Strapped and Single

    Three days before we broke up, you left your harness at my house. Good luck getting that one back, honey.

  • I Want It That Way

    Backstreet Bois

    I listen to "I Want It That Way" when I miss you. Maybe it could be "our" song?

  • I left my earring

    Just call me Cinderella

    The night of our first date—after we made out in your car for an hour on 14th Street—I purposely left one of my earrings behind, under the passenger seat, so I'd have an excuse to call you again.

  • I smell my fingers at work

    A Cubicle Cuntfession

    I smell my fingers at work.

  • I see you smoking outside the Black Cat

    Black Cat Crush

        I see you smoking outside the Black Cat when I'm all sweaty from dancing at Backdoor. I think you work there, are straight, and have zero patience for awkward queer girls. Basically, you're just my type, intense waifish...

  • Dykes making trikes

    Dykes making trikes

            Last weekend, I locked my bicycle to yours, hoping they'd make a tiny tricycle baby together. It'd have your seat, my handlebars, and a bell that'd carry for miles.

  • You've made this girl into an "ass man"

    You’ve made this girl into an “ass man”

  • 38814943

    This song reminds me of you.

  • 10392740_c149

    To My Pretty Neighbor on the 6th Floor

  • WTGG - Cuntfession - Phase

    To the girl with the pirate eye patch,

    You were at Phase 1 and the weather was still hot outside. Hot enough that you were wearing cut-off jean shorts—at an appropriate andro, hipster length—and a white V-neck. I noticed you on the dance floor, keeping a decent amount...

  • 10337225_b317

    …Sometimes I stop to check out a cute queer only to realize

  • fession

    I was the girl across the Cobalt dance floor

  • Big.Bear


    Please cease your cuteness immediately. You’re messing with my game. I’m a badass motherfucker with a reputation to protect! I’ve bike-of-shame’d home from more Mount Pleasant group houses than one of Ralph Nader’s clipboard-toting interns could hit in a month....

  • SprintPhoto_b3pm4b

    I like your dirty bathroom. I’m not perfect either.

  • Pregnant

    My straight 40 yr old pregnant coworker turns me on