Awkward Spaces for Queers
BY HANNAH EVERHART
Remember the last time you were surrounded by heteros—and not your chosen ones but the random people you work with or share an apartment building elevator with? Or even the ones at that bar with the cheap happy hour deals you sometimes frequent? Well, new contributor HANNAH EVERHART, compiled a list of some of the most uncomfortable situations to be in while gay.
Baby showers -- they make you play games like “What are the five things the Mommy-To-Be will bring to the hospital?" Of course, my only thought is Chapstick. I mean that’s basically queer lip gloss, right?
When someone thinks TV is reality--Oh, you don’t sit around at a coffee shop all day and have ridiculous amounts of drama like the L Word? Nope. It’s just like you can’t afford to live by Central Park while waiting tables like they do in Friends.
Reading Cosmo--101 Ways to Tickle His Pickle, and other sex tips in a different order from last month. Seriously? How about a review of the best sex toys instead, please!
Happy Hour with co-workers you’re not out to--Great, you’re once again faced with the typical ice-breaker question
“Are you dating anyone?”
It can lead to a seriously uncomfortable moment. But answer quick! Otherwise you’re going to have to talk about boring office drama.
Hanging out with a guy friend whom straight folks just assume you’re dating-- He’s my friend, and he’s a boy! Can’t I just grab a drink with my hetero guy friend in peace?
Outing yourself to a coworker and their response is “well if I didn’t think you were cool before, now I definitely think you’re cool.” So dating someone of the same sex makes me cool? …Cool?
Being in a small town---Oh your rainbow flag/bracelet/bumper stick is so festive and gay. Note, that’s gay as in happy! Not gay like in Hate Crime.
Your High School Reunion—Facebook has probably already outed you to everyone. But still, the last time these people saw you was when you were “straight” and dating a dude-bro. Talk about a mind-fuck that now you’re rocking Birkenstocks and flannel.
A family member makes a homophobic comment—and you’re not out yet. You suddenly have to choose between taking the risk and making family events super weird for everyone, or lying about a huge part of your life.
When an acquaintance asks you what you did last weekend—you answer: “I went to a party…” but you’re really thinking: I was at She.Rex, flirting with the cute femme I saw from across the bar.
The “I saw Boys Don’t Cry so I know everything about trans issues syndrome” -- This one time I talked to a transperson and now I know everything about transgender rights! Uh huh. An hour and a half versus personal experience, which do you think wins?