How to Approach the Band
Sunday nights are often reserved for sleeping / recovering from Saturday night’s shenanigans, but this past weekend was an exception thanks to the Lady Killer Tour. The three fabulous punk-indie-electro bands—Vanity Theft, Hunter Valentine, and Sick of Sarah—stopped by Phase 1 for a precursor and fundraiser for this fall’s Phasefest: a four-night long music festival where tons of great queer bands (MEN anyone?) descend on DC to play at the local lezzie dive bar.
This was easily the most attractive tour I’ve ever seen. There’s something about gorgeous girls rocking out on stage that makes me revert to my stuttering middle-school-girl self. I quickly became infatuated with Britney, the guitar player of Vanity Theft, and I’ve been infatuated with Kiyomi, the singer and guitarist of Hunter Valentine, for nearly a year now. And they just walk around the bar as if they weren’t really hot queer musicians. But do I talk to them and risk sounding like a complete idiot or do I continue to stand here wiping the drool from my chin?
TALK TO THEM. As a writer I love it when people comment on my work, so why wouldn’t they? But the opening line is so hard, my friends and I put some serious thought into it.
The Overly Excited Fan: You guys were great! Seriously, when you jumped off the stage and started dancing next to me I got so excited I peed a little.
The Not Even Sure Why I Care Fan: Hey, I don’t know why I’m so intimidated to talk to you. I mean, you’re definitely no cooler than at least half of my friends (this line would work best accompanied by a quick smart phone slide show of your super amazing, talented queer friends).
The Overly Confident Fan: Hey (getting as close to them as they’ll let you, and touching their arm), my goal for tonight is to make-out with at least one of you from each band, care to help me with that?
The Die-Hard Groupie Fan: Oh MY GAWD, you guys were so amazing (your voice should get higher and/or faster as you talk). I’m a HUGE fan of yours. In fact, I know all the lyrics to all your songs and I was at your last two…or three shows within a day’s bus ride from here.
The Nerdy-Non Musician Fan: (with no other introduction) My friend I were debating this earlier and I was hoping you could help- if a guitar and a bass were to battle which one would win?
The “Make-Out Face” Fan: Don’t say anything, just go up to them, close eyes, tilt head slightly to one side, open mouth a little and slowly stick the tip—JUST THE TIP—of your tongue out.
While all of these are great openers—because you know they’ll never forget that fan who peed herself—in the end I went with the good old fashioned compliment. I told both girls (separately) that they were great. And by the end of both conversations I felt like I had met two awesome girls at Phase, how often does that happen? Too bad they’re already gone. Se la vie.
Check out the Lady Killer Tour, coming soon to a dyke / dive bar near you. ladykillertour.com
As for us DC kids, Hunter Valentine and Sick of Sarah will be back in a month’s time for Phasefest. Don’t worry, I promise to keep you posted.
Sarah is a fiction writer who moonlights as a freelance journalist. She’s been the Transgender Relationship Examiner for Examiner.com since May of 2009, and she helps keep DC classy via Meets Obsession Magazine. She can also be found at SarahMarloff.com. In the rare moments when she’s not writing she’s dancing, dying her hair, singing with her headphones on, or possibly climbing trees. She’d like to remind you all: only boring people are bored.